What Time is It, Anyway?

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm perpetually running late. Many times, I'm right on time, which is my preferred state of being. Often, however, I'm about 5 or 10 minutes late. I realized this morning, when I was about two minutes early to coffee at Fido with my friend Andrea, why I hate to be early.

First of all, it makes me nervous. I go into a slight panic if I'm the first to arrive. I automatically think I have the wrong location, and I begin rechecking my calendar, rechecking e-mails and, inevitably, I phone a friend.

I have several friends who are just like me in this regard, and they are always understanding. I can pretty much always count on them to be later than I am for our meetings. I also have friends who are the extreme opposite and make it a point to arrive early to everything. Not to name names, but Margie and Joy have informed me that it pains them if they are not early... by at least 10 minutes. They get as nervous about being late as I get about being the first to arrive.

I don't know why this is, but I suspect, like so much in life, it goes back to childhood. My mother was almost always late to pick me up from things. I was almost always the last one to be picked up at the skating rink, the arcade, school... you name it. But I'm not bitter. In fact, writing this just made me realize from whence my fear of abandonment comes. Eureka!

Sort of weird, don't you think, that I ever went into a deadline-driven business. I've realized something about that, too, though. This business of deadlines and speeding all over town to get somewhere right on time and procrastination (yeah, did I have to even mention that I also like to procrastinate?)... this is what motivates me. I need pressure and deadlines to operate on all cylinders. I don't know whether that's good or bad, it's just how I operate. My ex-husband and my ex boss hated this about me. See the pattern?

Which leads me to my final point. We're all made just a little differently. We all get things done in our own ways. None of us are perfect. So cut me some slack when I'm late, praise me when I'm early and pray for "right on time."